The Testimony of Robert Brownell
Early in my life I became addicted to pornography, it started with magazines and a few videos. But with the onset of the Internet, I was able to download 1000s of pictures a night. I became engulfed with Lust, extremely perverted and I could not look at a woman without thinking about her sexually.
About this time I also dabbled in the local church, and learned some things about Jesus. When I first called on Him, He manifested Himself to me in a very powerful way, I was crying, shaking, and felt an overwhelming sense of peace and love that could not be explained. I also felt clean, spiritually clean, for the first time in my life. This went on for a while. An assurance of scripture was given to me, that surpassed all understanding. I just knew it was true, as much as I was sure of anything. The Lord’s presences was with me. There was no Biological, Chemical, Psychological or Scientific explanation for what happened, I met the Son of God, plain and simple. You’ll know what I mean if it happens to you.
I noticed something strange afterwards, the desire for lust was somehow gone. It just wasn’t there. I could so easily say not to lust and perversion. I was truly born again. This new found freedom lasted about 3 weeks. Then I started to get the desire for pornography again. But with 3 weeks of denying my lust I could have easily kept clean if I was determined to.
But I made a stupid mistake, I thought I could watch pornography and stay close to the Lord. I was DEAD WRONG! As Jesus said, “You cannot server 2 masters, you with either lover one and hate the other, or hate one and love the other” I learned what the scriptures meant…” the Lord is like a blazing fire, all sin is consumed in His presence.” I simply could not hold on to my sin and draw close to Jesus. It's as difficult as trying to stay afloat while holding on to a iron anvil.
Soon after going back into pornography the presence of the Lord left me, as Jesus warned, “The tree that produces no fruit will be cut off”. I felt it, and it was terrible, the peace and presence was gone, and I felt far away from Him.
With the Lord’s Presence gone I could still talk about God, I could understand spiritual things, I could get into deep philosophical discussions about religion, but I could NOT draw close to Him. As the bible teaches, “Your sins have separated you from god” I was far away, living in rebellion to Him. Why? (No sugar coating here.) Because I loved my sin, more than I loved Jesus. I loved darkness more than light.
Because the church never taught on the Fear of the Lord, I never really knew the gravity of my rebellion.
The bible says that
From what I learned in Church about a friendly God, I just could not believe God could eternally punish anyone, even though the warning of God’s Justice and Judgment were consistently given by Jesus, by the Prophet’s before Jesus, by the disciples, by scriptures, by Moses, and by the prophets today.
Jesus said, “I am the truth”, so being away from Jesus, I just could not believe the truth, I had to believe a lie. I thought everything was ok, it’s not my fault, I was born with this strong desire, it's not fair, there’s nothing wrong with lust, I’m not hurting anyone or breaking any laws, everyone does this.
The sin in me, like a tree, grew much stronger over the years. Coming back to the Lord several years later was difficult, because I had to again come into the fire. In the Lord’s burning presence there is no hiding, no excuses & no self righteousness. The Holiness of God is so intense, it will make even the greatest saint look like a wretch. He exposed me for who I was, a wicked, perverted, rebellions sinner. Guilty as can be, I had nothing to offer in my defense, nothing to give me credit, I could only beg for Mercy. Asking for forgiveness without turning away from my sins was an unacceptable to Him. He was going to be my Lord and Savior, there was no other option. Surrender was the only way.
And when I did repent and stopped sinning He forgave me and His presence came back to me. He filled me with the Holy Spirit, which is the only way to know God. Now I meet Him daily, talk with Him often and see His miracles. I receive His discipline, encouragement, peace, teachings and revelations. There is no other way. You can’t get to the Father, until the Son cleanses you.
Come to Jesus while there is still time. Jesus is Life, those who reject Him, reap death. Every time the Lord knocks on your heart, and you refuse to open to Him, your heart becomes harder. If you reject Him after all the suffering He went through for you, you will eternally regret it. He desperately wants you, and paid a high price for your soul, please don’t reject His offer of mercy. Surrender, it's the only way.Pray Hard, Keep Watch, Love God, Praise Jesus, Be Humble, Share Christ, Shun evil, Show Grace, Bear Fruit, Stay Pure, Stand Firm, Be Ready!
Robert Brownell www.DivineRevelations.info